Couch Surfer Creep

Thursday evening, I read this fantastic article about being more generous on NYT: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/31/magazine/is-giving-the-secret-to-getting-ahead.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&

Next morning, I received an innocuous request from Couch Surfing. I always wanted to give back to the community and I had a pretty flexible schedule this weekend, so I decided to host this chef/DJ from LA. 

I should've guessed that he was weird, since he took the greyhound from LA to NY. Who the fuck takes the greyhound for 3 days. We spoke briefly on the phone and he seemed pretty normal, he was interviewing with a ramen noodle place in NJ and we planned to meet up at 5. 

He showed up at my place and he was pretty decent looking. Very passionate about food, and spoke very highly about himself but contracted himself pretty often. We hit it off, but I started doubting some of the stuff he said. He claimed that he has a ton of friends in NY, but yet, he is not staying with them. He claimed that he is rich, but yet he is on couchsurfing and also taking the greyhound. He is also a creepo, cuz he is on POF. Apparently he met a stalker on there and she is texting her non-stop. There was a lot of sexual tension between us and we started to make out. But I needed to leave to hang out with a friend and I told him I will be back. 

Long story short, I came back to find an empty apartment and he was no where in sight. I texted him saying that I've arrived but he left his phone in my apt. Around 3am, his phone started ringing, and I figured it was him calling himself to find out where I lived. It turned out to be two hispanic dudes doing my couch surfer a favor. They walked him back to my place. The couchsurfer was sooooooooooo drunk, he started rambling about how he beat people up. He came up to my place and started become such a drama queen. He claimed that he is in love with me. He wants to have a life with me and he kept wanting to go down on me. 

I had to push him off me 50x throughout the night. He kept threatening to leave, and when I finally allowed him, he wouldnt go. At this point, I was kind of scared that he may rape me or harm me and I really wanted him to leave. Next morning, he asked if I wanted him to leave, and I said yes. He looked really surprised, I don't know why?!!?!? He begged to stay and I said no. So he claimed to have texted the crazy stalker girl and he is staying at her place. He was overall a weirdo. Oh yeah, before he left, he still wanted to go on a date with me. Yeah right!! 

Last night, I got these text from him, asswipe!

	CrAy Cray (323) 636-2974 - home 3/30/13 9:23 PM 19 hours ago
CrAy Cray: Sorry for leaving so abruptly... 1:23 PM CrAy Cray: I will redeem myself. 1:24 PM CrAy Cray: Get some some sleep 1:24 PM CrAy Cray: I so sorry... 9:10 PM CrAy Cray: I will leave you a good review. 9:21 PM CrAy Cray: I will let everyone know that you've been pretty easy to fuck. 9:22 PM CrAy Cray: Thank god for video. 9:22 PM CrAy Cray: PS pretty eAsy 9:23 PM

Rules of Booty Call

So I have been fucking this personal trainer for a few weeks and I thought things are cool. Until today, he went psycho on me and transformed into a cunt.

Before we meet up, I like to shower and get freshened up for him, I expect him to do the same. Today, he asked what my schedule is like and I told him I would be done in 20 minutes.

Long story short, it took him 1.5 hours to get to my house, and I still didn't shower because I got caught up on some work shit. So I showered when he showed up, my showers are short, like the length of a backstreet boys song.

He was upset, that I wasnt prepared like I said I would. So we had a 2 hour discussion on how I was lazy and didnt shower. I don't want to fuck a cunt, I would rather fuck a dick. Maybe the dick on the dick. Dick squared?

He really cut into my fuck time, any way that mother fucker still went limp after putting on a condom.

Spoke to my Yoda and he gave me some basic rules to abide by when having bootay call:

1) If he's causing drama, he's violating the #1 rule of bootycall - it should be FUN and DRAMA-FREE

2) you are having risky sex with him whether you realize it or not.

He's already shown that he's into casual / random hookups (i.e. you when you first met)

and the fact he doesn't like condoms, means he probably tries to avoid using one whenever possible with whoever else will allow him to stick his dirty dick inside them.

that is a risk, that i would choose to avoid..

gotta pick and choose your risks, and in my opinion, thats not one worth taking..

But he lives sooooooooooooo closee

2013 - The Year that 0 Fucks are Given

I have decided not to give a fuck in 2013.

This is the year where I don't give a fuck about what people think about me. I am going to focus on myself and have conviction in my decisions. Focus on what I want to do and don't care about what other people think of me.

The only fucks that are given, are to the people that I am fucking. 

Make out Party

Got invited to this make out party:

ring your best lips (yours and your PAL's), and join us for lubricating cocktails and naughty games with sexy friends and intriguing strangers. Bring toys & games to share (blindfolds? rope? sexy dice?). Foreplay happy hour 10-11pm with $4 beer and $5 cocktails (Indecent Proposal, anyone? or Pussy Galore?).

Dress to be kissed: flirty and fun / party duds. No casual or business attire; door man WILL turn you away. TimeOut said it best: "convention-busting clothing with a sexy, creative flair." [Point being that you're the kind of person that already dresses this way, not someone trying to force themselves into a costume just to get in.] Please don't email us asking what to wear...getting past this challenge is part of the process of making it into our party circles.

Think of our makeout parties as community mixers--a place to get to know your fellow kinksters, introduce a partner to a more playful lifestyle, and maybe even find a future PAL--before attending the more naughty play parties, like Steam & Sin. It's also a way for us to vet you in person for such parties (come talk to us at the event).

The party was pretty interesting to say the least.  A lot of freaky deaky people. People there are so free and loving. There was spin the bottle at the end of the room. Although this ugly fat chick and this ugly fat dude took up a large slice of the pie. It was really good strategy on their part. I think it was the only ass that they got that night. 

A few people requested to make out with me, some ugly some hot, some gay, some straight, some men, some women. This is completely opposite of any Asian party I've been to, where all the men stand by the side and oogle at chicks. At least everyone at the party had some sort of ass. 

At the end of the night, I've made out with 5 people, 2 guys, 2 bi (definitely leaning towards the gay side) and one chick. The chick invited me to a sex party. Gawd, I haven't been to a sex party in a few years so it will be interesting to see how it is now that I am embracing my own flooziness. 

Bleeding Asshole

So I rang my booty call over yesterday. We were having a great time frolicking on my bed and him coaching me on how to give an amazing blow job.

I need to write down these tips so I can refer back to them:
1. Do not dig elbows in guy's thighs
2. Vary up the strokes, but focus more on the head
3. Breathe through nose, and fight the urge to have lock jaw. If he smells, as him to take a shower.
4. Ask the guy to communicate on what feels good and what is bad
5. Have rhythm

Anyway, as we were getting it on, he turned me over to attempt to do doggy and it was hot and heavy for a few minutes. Then suddenly I see him licking his thumb and then this sharp pain and this sudden urge to go shit emerged from my asshole. I told him to pull that fucker out, and he told me to stop being a pussy and just endure the pain. WHAT THE FUCK!

He claimed that if I had something stuck up my ass, my {()} would automatically clench. What the fuck is he trying to say here?!?! I have a loose pussy? WTF?

Anyway, as I was trying to pee a few minutes later, my asshole was bleeding. I think it still hurts to fart right now... 

Cookie Cutter

Met a Cambodian from a night out of museum. He texted me a few days later and here goes the conversation:

Cambodian: I heard another interview question. If you could be any shaped cookie cutter, what shape would it be and why? 8:32 PM

Me: Either a mustache or a bottle opener. Mustache so people can have foreplay with the cookie before putting it in their mouth. Bottle opener is for those hard, burnt, overcooked cookies so the cookies can have dual purposes. You? 8:41 PM

Cambodian: No shape. Shaped cookies are style over substance. Good cookies can just be a circle 9:01 PM

Cambodian: Let's go on a date 9:11 PM

Me: So I passed? 9:14 PM

Cambodian: Passed what? 9:14 PM

Me: Your test/interview? 9:24 PM

Cambodian: Oh that wasn't a test. Just random thoughts. 9:26 PM

Me: Now I will save your number. 9:27 PM

Cambodian: Well you should. It's handy to have your new boyfriend's number 9:29 PM

Me: haha, that is pretty forward of you. We should at least go on a date first. 9:34 PM

Cambodian: Oh so now you're asking me out. I'll think about it. 9:35 PM

Cambodian: Kidding. Free on Sat night? 9:36 PM

Me: Wow, the suspense was killing me. 9:36 PM

Valentine Woes

Valentine's day is dreadfully approaching. I hate it when my married friend and my friends who are in a relationship tells me, on don't worry, you will find a boyfriend soon. It is like if suddenly the minute they are in a relationship they are sitting on a high horse. Trust me, I am single as a dollar bill and I ain't want no change.

I never believe in Valentine's day. It was always a day filled with obligations. I hate that it is expected to celebrate a relationship, even if it sucks. I look at some of my friends who are in relationships and I judge. I secretly judge and laugh. Are they really happy?

After talking to a few people who are in their 30s, I am declaring NOT TO GIVE A SHIT. I am fully embracing my inner sluthood. I always abide by the rule of trying not to sleep with someone on the first date. I have decided to add that to the fuck it list. I don't commit a to buying a car before a test drive, why would I commit to a relationship without fucking it. All those rules from Steve Harvey and from the holy bible of dating, claimed that putting out soon is bad because it makes the guy value me less. Meh... Fuck it.

For the longest time, I thought of settling for someone who I can tolerate. Someone who will be a good provider and a good companion. Life is too short for me to wait and