Pot calling the kettle black

A guy from college came to visit me over the weekend. I took his virginity so I feel like he is still kind of hung up on me. 

His is a big fella, although I have a feeling that he think he is still average. He still wears a size 32 pants but that's because he likes to tie it right below his 7 month pregnant belly. 

I sometimes have a feeling that he can't even see his penis when he pees. Last night we spend a few hours going through tinder on his phone. I finally know why I am single. Women in NY are just so fucking hot! 

Anyway, he keeps left swiping semi chubby women. 

Me: why are you left swiping these women?

Him: she's fat 

Me: she's okay! Not fat and the pot shouldn't call the kettle black.

Him: why do you mean?

Me: nevermind...

Later saw his Okcupid profile. His body type was listed as "Average" 

Lol! Maybe if the population was sumo wrestlers! 

High Pitched

Met a guy Tinder. His profile claimed that he is the McDonald's bathroom senior manager. That quickly turned me on. Senior manager!

We had great silly banter over text. We agreed that we should make out when we first meet. 

Just finished the date with him. Never met a straight guy who has a higher pitch than me. He was also a mediocre kisser and moaned a lot during the kiss. I told him to stop making noises, but he said since I had an ear congestion, I shouldn't be able to hear it anyway.

Kinda wanted to bounce after the kiss, but figured since I traveled for this lame ass date, might as well enjoy a drink. 

I did enjoyed the drink, but he sucked. On to the next one. 

Downsides of downsizing

Recently I've been actively trying to downsize. Revamping my wardrobe, throwing away unused furniture and really trying to live the life of a minimalist.

One area that I am NOT trying to downsize is penis size. However for some reasons I've been encountering men with tiny fucking penis. 

Last night was my birthday party. I made out with this guy, whom we shared a mutual friend. We eventually went to his house. He's a solid average kisser, but when he told me to touch his penis, I was immediately turned off. I just couldn't continue. It was like pin the tail on the penis. The longest thing about this guy was the commute home. 

This guy, the unicorn and another recent hookup. I am cursed with small dicks. On the profile, next to their height, should be penis size. 

Like this guy

We will not get along

Not even going to bother continuing the conversation

Psycho

I am generally quite open minded. But I found my boundaries during this date I had with this psycho. 

He was into kink, as am I. We quickly bonded over tinder text and decided to meet at a diner. 

He was a self proclaimed bondage master. He said he wanted to tie me up. I asked what do you want to do with me? 

Him: I would love to tie you up and stuff you with my piss funnel. 

Me: What's that? 

Him: A funnel where I pee in. 

Me: What else do you want to do with me? 

Him: I want to cut your legs 

Me: What? 

Him: Did you not see my pictures on fetlife, I just did it to a girl yesterday. 

Crazy... 

Indian touch!

I knew it! This is why only Indian and black men message me! 

Dissapointment

Connected with someone on Tinder. For some reason only black and Indian men message me. 

This gentlemen is black, looked muscular from his pictures. However, when we finally met, he is this pudgy short man. He was sporting suspenders (is it because he can't find a belt that will fit that waist?),a bow tie and a fedora. He claimed that he is not a hipster, but his outfit indicated otherwise. 

He seemed like a well mannered guy and we had a few drinks. It was getting late and he eluded if we should go to my apt. We were making out in the cab and found out that he is a Muslim and is one out of 10 kids. His dad was a gang leader and quit to be a teacher or something like that. 

We starting making out in the living room and migrated quickly to my bed. When he started stripping (which took a long time to peel away his "non-hipster" outfit) I saw this tiny black twig of a dick. It was the size of my index finger. It appeared especially small with the back drop of his thunder thighs. I was horny and I let him enter me. He kept saying "damn you tight, damn this is good" meanwhile on my side, I couldn't feel shit. After 2 minutes he came and then went. 

I finally found a unicorn. A black man with a tiny penis. He would be a good starter anal dick