Speed Dating

A few years ago, I somehow got in touch with someone who organizes these speed dating events in New York. A few weeks ago, after not hearing from him in years, he texted me asking me if I had time to go to a speed dating event cuz they needed more girls.

I naturally said yes, cuz I didn't have anything to do that evening. I put on my little black dress and my heels and trekked my way to alphabet city. I was also half an hour late, but the men there seemed pretty desperate. When I stepped in, I saw that the girls were slim pickings. Here are some of the men I have encountered.

Guy: So is this your first time speed dating?
Me: No, I am a veteran
Guy: oh, so what are you doing for Mother's day?
Me: Oh, I have no idea, I hope my daughter plans something good for me.

Seeing the reaction on their faces were priceless. I hate these speed dating events, especially the Asian ones, where all they care is your circumstances. Where you went for school, where you live, what you do for a living etc. 

Guy: Is this what you wear for work? (I was dressed pretty slutty that day, and I was working from home that morning)
Me: No, I wore a lot less

Guy: How old are you?
Me: 45
Guy: OH wow, you look really good for your age.


Long story short, I met this handsome black guy at the bar, he was winging for his annoying friend who I just lied to during speed dating. I was flirting with him hard, and he got my number. After speed dating the three of us started chatting, he texted me during the conversation and asked if I wanted to get out of there with him. I met him in the bathroom and we fooled around for a minute. I made up some excuse and left the bar, we later met at Grand Central and took a cab to my house. We fucked so hard. He was amazing!!! The myth is true, once you go black, you really don't wanna go back. He also had amazing skin, it smelled like almond. Reminds me of the black stripper we hired for my friend's bachlorette's party in Vegas.

The next morning, he promised that he will text, like everyone else I brushed it aside. A few days later, he did text, but really wasn't saying anything of substance. So I texted back, "So when are you going to ask me out?" No response!! 

oh well, luckily dicks are free and plentiful.

Too Large to Charge

I don't know what is wrong with me. Have I lost my mojo? The history teacher is great, he is hot (think younger, fatter, whiter, less gay version of Ricky Martin) 

He came up last weekend to NY from Philadelphia, is it moving too fast? I mean technically, it is only our 2nd date. But he seemed like a nice guy and harmless enough. We frolicked together near my hood, and continued frolicking on my bed. GAWD DAMN, he is a great kisser. I wanted to be demure and prude, I held out on sex for the first night, the next day. I really couldn't help myself. One thing led to another and we ended up frolicking on my bed. He has a HUGE dick. I think one of the largest I've seen. It was glorious, the type that dildos are modeled after. 

He has a huge problem getting off, I fear he uses the death grip when he masturbates. Which is a huge problem, cuz I don't think my {()} is ever tight enough. I can't say I thoroughly enjoyed having sex with him. For some reason, I was dry as the Sahara.  He is hot, well spoke, well mannered and I am extremely attracted to him, but for some reason, my libido takes a nose dive. Maybe it is because he may be too big???? Is that even possible? Perhaps it is the condom? not sure. The foreplay is fantastic, but when it comes to the actual sex part, it just takes so fucking long. Who the hell wants to get slammed by a giant 10 inch pole for 45 min straight. I think a good 10-15 minutes is good enough for me, then I just wanna crawl into a ball and hibernate. 

We tried again last night, I had some alcohol in me trying to loosen me up. I can't even finish him off!!! What shame have I brought to my gender. He txted me this morning saying that he was sorry and took advantage of me. WHO IS HE? WTF?!?! Pretty sure I was taking advantage of him. God, he is so hot. Think Eric Bana

Dry spell ended

I am watching a rerun of Hitch on TBS, Hitch claims that 1st kiss comes around the 3rd date. How unrealistic is this?!?! Who the hell kisses on 3rd dates anymore. I usually don't kiss on the 1st dates since it is super awkward. But if there is a 2nd or 3rd date, I would like to test drive the car.

I went on a date with a HS history teacher last week in Philly. We had an amazing time, the one complaint I had about him is that he kept mentioning how broke he is. How unattractive is that? Dropping little hints on how he can't afford to do shit, cuz he is broke. He also has 3 roommates, who in their early 30s have roommates anymore. He also says "Do you know what I mean?" a lot. A LOT, meaning he says this 3 or 4 times in a sentence. That shit bothers the shit out of me, if you know what I mean.

I think he wants to take things seriously, not sure if I am ready for this especially when I met someone super hot at dodge-ball. He looks 19, but is actually 25. Whatever, he is a youngin, but I definitely want to smoosh that cub.

Dry Spell

Update for the past few weeks: I am going through a dry spell. The last sexual encounter I had was a pump and dump. This is what happens when I had my hopes up. He was okay, nothing spectacular. He came over to my hotel room, we fucked for a few minutes, and then he stayed just so he doesnt feel like a douche and then left. Never heard from him again. Dang that was harsh. Thought I was going to marry him, gotta scrap the wedding plans now. 

Another one bites the dust

Thursday: I texted the doctor if he wanted to have dinner, he said he would like to cook for me. I was busy and didn't respond.

Friday: I called him and texted him if we are still on for dinner, no response.

Saturday: 

DOC: Let's try this again. Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow? If so, please respond in a timely fashion so I know how much food to buy... 8:11 PM

Me: No 8:33 PM

Me: I thought we were suppose to have dinner on Friday 8:36 PM

DOC: Don't play dumb. You know you should confirm when I offer to cook for you. 9:05 PM

Me: Oh... Sorry that was a miscommunication, I was busy and didn't respond. But I called you AND texted you yesterday with no response 9:07 PM

DOC: So you felt disrespected being ignored? Shocking. Maybe you can meet a more easy-going guy on couchsurfers... 9:19 PM

AND THAT IS THE END OF THAT FOLKS!

Stinky body

So there is this doctor that I have been seeing on and off. We have been hooking up a few times and it is just meh.

He has a very annoying foreplay dirty talk. I always have this internal giggle whenever he says shit like, "um...... you make me so big and hard" bwahhahahahahaha!!!

1. He is not big! talking about how big it is, DOES not miraculously make it any bigger.
2. His moan is kind of annoying, don't know how to describe it. A total turn off.
3. He kind of smells, he claims that he takes mad showers and watches his hands often, but he smells like BO. I am thinking of tactful ways of asking him to clean his dick before my lips touch it. Luckily allergy season is coming up so I won't be able to smell it that much.

Last weekend, I broke my rule. I slept over, cuz I was too cheap to take a cab home. Decided to wait until the morning so I can ride the MTA. He woke up at 3am, got really horny, and I was completely passed out. He proceeded to feel me up and started jerking off next to me. I was going in and out of sleep until when he fucking ejaculated all over me. WTF, I rushed into the shower, and he doesn't even have body wash! who the fuck uses soap these days. Needless to say, I was annoyed, but still was able to fall asleep quickly in his expensive tempurpedic mattress.

Couch Surfer Creep

Thursday evening, I read this fantastic article about being more generous on NYT: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/31/magazine/is-giving-the-secret-to-getting-ahead.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&

Next morning, I received an innocuous request from Couch Surfing. I always wanted to give back to the community and I had a pretty flexible schedule this weekend, so I decided to host this chef/DJ from LA. 

I should've guessed that he was weird, since he took the greyhound from LA to NY. Who the fuck takes the greyhound for 3 days. We spoke briefly on the phone and he seemed pretty normal, he was interviewing with a ramen noodle place in NJ and we planned to meet up at 5. 

He showed up at my place and he was pretty decent looking. Very passionate about food, and spoke very highly about himself but contracted himself pretty often. We hit it off, but I started doubting some of the stuff he said. He claimed that he has a ton of friends in NY, but yet, he is not staying with them. He claimed that he is rich, but yet he is on couchsurfing and also taking the greyhound. He is also a creepo, cuz he is on POF. Apparently he met a stalker on there and she is texting her non-stop. There was a lot of sexual tension between us and we started to make out. But I needed to leave to hang out with a friend and I told him I will be back. 

Long story short, I came back to find an empty apartment and he was no where in sight. I texted him saying that I've arrived but he left his phone in my apt. Around 3am, his phone started ringing, and I figured it was him calling himself to find out where I lived. It turned out to be two hispanic dudes doing my couch surfer a favor. They walked him back to my place. The couchsurfer was sooooooooooo drunk, he started rambling about how he beat people up. He came up to my place and started become such a drama queen. He claimed that he is in love with me. He wants to have a life with me and he kept wanting to go down on me. 

I had to push him off me 50x throughout the night. He kept threatening to leave, and when I finally allowed him, he wouldnt go. At this point, I was kind of scared that he may rape me or harm me and I really wanted him to leave. Next morning, he asked if I wanted him to leave, and I said yes. He looked really surprised, I don't know why?!!?!? He begged to stay and I said no. So he claimed to have texted the crazy stalker girl and he is staying at her place. He was overall a weirdo. Oh yeah, before he left, he still wanted to go on a date with me. Yeah right!! 

Last night, I got these text from him, asswipe!

	CrAy Cray (323) 636-2974 - home 3/30/13 9:23 PM 19 hours ago
CrAy Cray: Sorry for leaving so abruptly... 1:23 PM CrAy Cray: I will redeem myself. 1:24 PM CrAy Cray: Get some some sleep 1:24 PM CrAy Cray: I so sorry... 9:10 PM CrAy Cray: I will leave you a good review. 9:21 PM CrAy Cray: I will let everyone know that you've been pretty easy to fuck. 9:22 PM CrAy Cray: Thank god for video. 9:22 PM CrAy Cray: PS pretty eAsy 9:23 PM