Oh the irony...

A few months ago, I went on a date with this guy. I decided not to pursue the relationship any further because he was really really dull and boring. He also didn't drink. When he texted a few months ago, I told him I was in Africa, he didn't believe me. Anyway, he continues to text me.

Annoying: Hey. What's up 1:15 PM

Me: Still in Africa 1:58 PM

Annoying: I remember. Just seeing if maybe you might come to NY for a weekend 1:59 PM

Me: Came and went 2:11 PM

Annoying: You should let me know when your in town again 2:13 PM

Me: Are you dating other people? 2:13 PM

Annoying: One but not really. You ? 2:14 PM

Annoying: Why do you ask ? 2:14 PM

Me: Why not really? I was dating someone but that ended recently 2:15 PM

Annoying: I don't like her that much. 2:15 PM

Annoying: Was he in NY ? 2:15 PM

Me: Yes in Ny. Why don't you like her? 2:17 PM

Annoying: She was boring 2:18 PM Hahahahahahah Muahhahaha

Annoying: Why did yours end ? 2:18 PM

Annoying: You made it seem like you being in Africa was a problem but you were dating that guy 2:19 PM

Annoying: You never have things much of chance. I feel like you took my not being too much on you the wrong way 2:26 PM

Me: We had fundamental differences, just like us 2:30 PM

Annoying: What differences did you see ? 2:32 PM

Me: We don't have that much to talk about. We don't have much similar interests 2:37 PM

Annoying: I'm about as eclectic as they come with interests. I'm up for anything. 2:38 PM

Me: Meh 2:38 PM

Annoying: Lol. No meh 2:39 PM

Annoying: I actually liked you so I treated you with respect rather than just acting on pure desire. 2:47 PM

Me: I appreciate that. 2:48 PM

Me: I just don't think we have that much in common. 2:48 PM

Me: But I like your persistence 2:49 PM

Annoying: If I recall correctly you contacted me first. You should have or should give things a chance. I wouldn't be persistent if I was certain things would be good. 2:49 PM

Me: Yep, cuz I think you are cute. 2:51 PM

Me: But after talking to you, realized not much to talk about. I like your enthusiasm about driving 2:52 PM

Me: But otherwise. That's it 2:52 PM

Annoying: Haha. Thanks. You have me quite wrong. 2:52 PM

Me: You really thought we had that much chemistry? Really? 2:53 PM

Me: Maybe because I was sober? 2:53 PM

This went on for a while....

Me: I did meet someone and dates for 6 months 4:15 PM

Me: Not on EH 4:15 PM

Annoying: It hasn't been since months since we meet 4:16 PM

Me: So? 4:18 PM Hahahahahahah Muahhahahahahahaha 

Annoying: Lol. Guess that was a factor in me loosing out huh. I hate the multiple dating culture of NY. 4:22 PM

Annoying: Anyway. Let me know when your back. 5:22 PM

Acceptance of reality?

Some people know reality 

While some people are delusional

Sunday Mistake

Met this guy off eHarmony.

He made the mistake of calling me before our first date. Who does that anymore? We spoke for 30 minutes and I couldn't hear him most of the time, also I didn't think we had that much to talk about. Regardless, he still wanted to hang out with me on Thursday. I wanted to cancel on him, cuz I wanted to save him money and I wanted to save myself some time. Also, BBC was coming over.

This is what happened when I tried to cancel on him...

Him: Hey. How was the midnight call ? 12:30 PM

Him: So I guess I should ask if you even still want to hang out ? 12:30 PM

Me: No, I don't think it is going to work out. 3:16 PM

Him: Lol. Why is that 5:13 PM

Him: I am actually kind of curious how you say it won't work out before even meeting me 5:24 PM

Me: I just don't think we clicked. 5:46 PM

Him: Lol. You never even met me 5:46 PM

Me: We didn't click on the phone. 5:49 PM

Him: I think your wrong. If you had interest we should hang out 5:53 PM

Him: If your really not coming back until Friday lets grab lunch over the weekend 6:24 PM

Me: I like your persistence. 6:27 PM

Him: Because I think I know good thing when I see one and I think we would have a good time together 6:29 PM

Him: So has my persistence earned me my date back ? 8:06 PM

Me: possibly... 8:07 PM

Him: Lol. I thought the stig was always up for a challenge. 8:10 PM

Me: Are you a challenge? 8:24 PM

Him: I might be 8:25 PM

Performance Anxiety

So I guess this is a real thing.

I have been  dating guy #3 for a while and the first time we tried hooking up, I can sense his nervousness. We frolicked on his bed for a long time naked and nothing happened. His dick was shriveled and limper than a slice of cold cut. I get it, it isn't everyday that he gets to fuck a hot chick and he just got excited.

Fast forward 3 weeks, we had a sleepover at my house. He fucking did it again!!!!! I even went down on him and NOTHING. He kept apologizing to me, and I felt bad. This is when he told me that he hasn't had sex in 5 years!!!! Wow! 5 years?!!? and the last time he hooked up with a chick was a one night stand too! I think he's only had sex with 2 women his whole life. This is like unexplored territory for me. I think I was a little bit relieved cuz his dick was kinda small anyway. No fun for me.

Is it rude for me to just start forwarding articles of how to overcome performance anxiety to him? 

I ain't that awesome

·         SingleInNewYork

You are paying for dinner

9/12, 3:53pm

CheapAss

i currently have zero stock

it is my turn

but you can say that more generally when i vest

·

9/12, 3:53pm

SingleInNewYork

I won't hold my breath

·         

9/12, 3:53pm

CheapAss

for me to vest?

·         

9/12, 3:54pm

SingleInNewYork

For you to pay more

·         

9/12, 3:54pm

CheapAss

i don't want to emasculate you or challenge your independence

·         

9/12, 3:55pm

SingleInNewYork

Trust me, that won't happen

·         

9/12, 3:57pm

CheapAss

i know, because i won't do it

·         

9/12, 3:57pm

CheapAss

·         

9/12, 3:57pm

SingleInNewYork

Won't do what?

Emasculate me? Or pay?

·         

9/12, 3:57pm

CheapAss

won't challenge your indpendence

·         

9/12, 3:58pm

SingleInNewYork

My independence will not be challenged if the guy I am dating is paying

Is it emasculating to you when I pay?

·         

9/12, 3:59pm

CheapAss

no, it feels like a partnership which it should since we both work

(and you are not in, say, a low-end retail job)

·         

9/12, 4:01pm

SingleInNewYork

Chivalry must be dead to to

You

·         

9/12, 4:15pm

CheapAss

i consider that a success from a gender equality perspective

·         

9/12, 4:16pm

SingleInNewYork

I consider that being cheap

·         

9/12, 4:17pm

CheapAss

i consider it entitlement and/or hiring an administrative assistant and sex worker

assuming both partners are fiscally capable

if i was on a date with a student with no income, i'd pay, no questions asked

·         

9/12, 4:21pm

SingleInNewYork

It's etiquette

If you want a gf you need to adopt to social standards

·         

9/12, 4:25pm

CheapAss

it's rude and entitled on a woman's part

·         

9/12, 4:25pm

SingleInNewYork

I don't think so

Are you saying that our split should be proportional to our salary?

Also how is staying the weekend in Boston saving shareholder's $$

·         

9/12, 4:47pm

CheapAss

that isn't, doing it once as comp for having to go there even though i don't get comp time

·         

9/12, 4:49pm

CheapAss

if we were splitting housing costs or things like that i would be saying that; at this stage,we both have professional jobs and we're not incurring large expenses where the balance is really an issue so i think it's easier to 50-50 it, since neither of us likely wants to get into disclosing those kinds of details.

·         

9/12, 5:20pm

SingleInNewYork

It takes a certain type of chick to put up with you

·         

9/12, 5:56pm

CheapAss

an awesome one?

Oh the Irony

I met this religious physicist from OkCupid. He is extremely smart, established, and really cute in a nerdy way.

We chatted on and off for a bit. He lives in DC, but he commutes to NY every couple of weeks because his family lives here. When we first met, there was immediate attraction. The only thing that was a turn off was that big ass cross that he wears across his neck and it is like a sign from Jesus to warn me against this guy.

Anyway, I went away for a couple of weeks on vacation and we were chatting about how amazing it would be (mostly for him) if we'd hook up. He claimed that he will last for a long time and didn't want to meet up the day that I land. We chatted for a few more weeks and he finally came to NY.

We got it on pretty heavily and he had a nice body, been doing crossfit for a few months and I can tell, those guns didn't maintain by itself. So when he entered me, literally 10 seconds later, I think he came, because he told me to slow down and I just stopped and he had that face... and I rode him for a few more strides and I really can't feel shit.

The worst is acting like I am enjoying it. Gawd... the irony. I wonder if I will see him again, or if he is dead from embarrassment.

Chocolate Drama

So the Faceblock guy is in Dublin for a conference, an excerpt on what he wrote to me over text:

FB: I really like this cholate from Dublin
Me: Oh yeah? You should bring some back for me
FB: Most of it will melt
Me: You should put it in a ziplock and then put it in a freezer
FB: No freezer, no bags either, I am sure somewhere in NY you can get them, any kind of British store should have them
Me: Ugh, not going to make that effort
FB: Then you will continue your unenlightened life
Me: Stop teasing me with chocolate, if you are not bringing anything back, don't mention it to me
FB: You will get over it.

That mushroom dick can find another moss to grow on.