Sunday Mistake

Met this guy off eHarmony.

He made the mistake of calling me before our first date. Who does that anymore? We spoke for 30 minutes and I couldn't hear him most of the time, also I didn't think we had that much to talk about. Regardless, he still wanted to hang out with me on Thursday. I wanted to cancel on him, cuz I wanted to save him money and I wanted to save myself some time. Also, BBC was coming over.

This is what happened when I tried to cancel on him...

Him: Hey. How was the midnight call ? 12:30 PM

Him: So I guess I should ask if you even still want to hang out ? 12:30 PM

Me: No, I don't think it is going to work out. 3:16 PM

Him: Lol. Why is that 5:13 PM

Him: I am actually kind of curious how you say it won't work out before even meeting me 5:24 PM

Me: I just don't think we clicked. 5:46 PM

Him: Lol. You never even met me 5:46 PM

Me: We didn't click on the phone. 5:49 PM

Him: I think your wrong. If you had interest we should hang out 5:53 PM

Him: If your really not coming back until Friday lets grab lunch over the weekend 6:24 PM

Me: I like your persistence. 6:27 PM

Him: Because I think I know good thing when I see one and I think we would have a good time together 6:29 PM

Him: So has my persistence earned me my date back ? 8:06 PM

Me: possibly... 8:07 PM

Him: Lol. I thought the stig was always up for a challenge. 8:10 PM

Me: Are you a challenge? 8:24 PM

Him: I might be 8:25 PM

Performance Anxiety

So I guess this is a real thing.

I have been  dating guy #3 for a while and the first time we tried hooking up, I can sense his nervousness. We frolicked on his bed for a long time naked and nothing happened. His dick was shriveled and limper than a slice of cold cut. I get it, it isn't everyday that he gets to fuck a hot chick and he just got excited.

Fast forward 3 weeks, we had a sleepover at my house. He fucking did it again!!!!! I even went down on him and NOTHING. He kept apologizing to me, and I felt bad. This is when he told me that he hasn't had sex in 5 years!!!! Wow! 5 years?!!? and the last time he hooked up with a chick was a one night stand too! I think he's only had sex with 2 women his whole life. This is like unexplored territory for me. I think I was a little bit relieved cuz his dick was kinda small anyway. No fun for me.

Is it rude for me to just start forwarding articles of how to overcome performance anxiety to him? 

I ain't that awesome

·         SingleInNewYork

You are paying for dinner

9/12, 3:53pm

CheapAss

i currently have zero stock

it is my turn

but you can say that more generally when i vest

·

9/12, 3:53pm

SingleInNewYork

I won't hold my breath

·         

9/12, 3:53pm

CheapAss

for me to vest?

·         

9/12, 3:54pm

SingleInNewYork

For you to pay more

·         

9/12, 3:54pm

CheapAss

i don't want to emasculate you or challenge your independence

·         

9/12, 3:55pm

SingleInNewYork

Trust me, that won't happen

·         

9/12, 3:57pm

CheapAss

i know, because i won't do it

·         

9/12, 3:57pm

CheapAss

·         

9/12, 3:57pm

SingleInNewYork

Won't do what?

Emasculate me? Or pay?

·         

9/12, 3:57pm

CheapAss

won't challenge your indpendence

·         

9/12, 3:58pm

SingleInNewYork

My independence will not be challenged if the guy I am dating is paying

Is it emasculating to you when I pay?

·         

9/12, 3:59pm

CheapAss

no, it feels like a partnership which it should since we both work

(and you are not in, say, a low-end retail job)

·         

9/12, 4:01pm

SingleInNewYork

Chivalry must be dead to to

You

·         

9/12, 4:15pm

CheapAss

i consider that a success from a gender equality perspective

·         

9/12, 4:16pm

SingleInNewYork

I consider that being cheap

·         

9/12, 4:17pm

CheapAss

i consider it entitlement and/or hiring an administrative assistant and sex worker

assuming both partners are fiscally capable

if i was on a date with a student with no income, i'd pay, no questions asked

·         

9/12, 4:21pm

SingleInNewYork

It's etiquette

If you want a gf you need to adopt to social standards

·         

9/12, 4:25pm

CheapAss

it's rude and entitled on a woman's part

·         

9/12, 4:25pm

SingleInNewYork

I don't think so

Are you saying that our split should be proportional to our salary?

Also how is staying the weekend in Boston saving shareholder's $$

·         

9/12, 4:47pm

CheapAss

that isn't, doing it once as comp for having to go there even though i don't get comp time

·         

9/12, 4:49pm

CheapAss

if we were splitting housing costs or things like that i would be saying that; at this stage,we both have professional jobs and we're not incurring large expenses where the balance is really an issue so i think it's easier to 50-50 it, since neither of us likely wants to get into disclosing those kinds of details.

·         

9/12, 5:20pm

SingleInNewYork

It takes a certain type of chick to put up with you

·         

9/12, 5:56pm

CheapAss

an awesome one?

Oh the Irony

I met this religious physicist from OkCupid. He is extremely smart, established, and really cute in a nerdy way.

We chatted on and off for a bit. He lives in DC, but he commutes to NY every couple of weeks because his family lives here. When we first met, there was immediate attraction. The only thing that was a turn off was that big ass cross that he wears across his neck and it is like a sign from Jesus to warn me against this guy.

Anyway, I went away for a couple of weeks on vacation and we were chatting about how amazing it would be (mostly for him) if we'd hook up. He claimed that he will last for a long time and didn't want to meet up the day that I land. We chatted for a few more weeks and he finally came to NY.

We got it on pretty heavily and he had a nice body, been doing crossfit for a few months and I can tell, those guns didn't maintain by itself. So when he entered me, literally 10 seconds later, I think he came, because he told me to slow down and I just stopped and he had that face... and I rode him for a few more strides and I really can't feel shit.

The worst is acting like I am enjoying it. Gawd... the irony. I wonder if I will see him again, or if he is dead from embarrassment.

Chocolate Drama

So the Faceblock guy is in Dublin for a conference, an excerpt on what he wrote to me over text:

FB: I really like this cholate from Dublin
Me: Oh yeah? You should bring some back for me
FB: Most of it will melt
Me: You should put it in a ziplock and then put it in a freezer
FB: No freezer, no bags either, I am sure somewhere in NY you can get them, any kind of British store should have them
Me: Ugh, not going to make that effort
FB: Then you will continue your unenlightened life
Me: Stop teasing me with chocolate, if you are not bringing anything back, don't mention it to me
FB: You will get over it.

That mushroom dick can find another moss to grow on. 

Mr. Faceblock

A few months ago, I met this guy who works for the Empire is that currently taking over the world, let's call that Empire Faceblock.

1st date - He is charming, nerdy and had a great smile. We went for bubble tea on our first date. Immediately, I knew he was too smart for me. He uses words that I've only seen on SAT verbal. I just quietly nod and pretend to be interested. Apparently he thought we had a fantastic first date, on the other hand, I only said about 10 words and nodded a lot.

My first impression of him was that he is balding, short and kind of gay. The inflections of his voice is not 100% hetero. Well at least I like my men with a very masculine voice.

2nd date- We had thai food, this is when I realized that he is kind of snobby, every time I make a remark of how much I love trashy tv shows, there was a few seconds of silence and then I see the judgement in his eyes. Those soulful eyes that says, you fucking retard, I am only with you cuz you are hot.

We ended the date with a kiss, surprisingly he is an amazing kisser.


3rd date plus: for someone who works at faceblock, he lets me play quite often. I am all about being equal and being a feminist, but come on! We started to take our relationship to the next level and moved to 3rd base. When we started to fool around, and he took of his pants, it took me a good 5  minutes to locate where his dick was. I had to dig through a forest of pubic hair and pull out my tweezers to locate his dick. OMG, it is really small. Especially after I have been with Mr. Footlong from Philly. I had to be GGG and gave him a BJ, apparently has very specific instructions on how he likes his bjs and has sensitivity issues around his head which made me have lock jaw. After a few failed attempts, I finally got him off. The velocity of his ejaculation was so fast, that a few sperm came out of my nose.

Last night: Previously, I told him that I like to be dominated in bed, which is mainly true. I was dead ass tired and we were fooling around again. Mainly I wanted to sleep over cuz my apt does not have AC installed and his apt has central air. As we were making out, he said: "well my dick isn't going to suck itself" I was shocked and appalled. WTF, beggers cannot be choosers. I was ready to get the fuck out of his place. Who says that to me? who the fuck does he think he is? I think he clearly was apologetic when he realized that I was not going to suck his dick and that I was going to leave.

Mrs. Doubtfire

Just received this... What would Dan Savage do? 

Hey, I am sorry for the emailing delay. I am always hesitant at this part but I need to know if you are comfortable with the fact that in private I crossdress. It's not a choice and only the person I am dating needs to know. I would never do anything to embarrass you but it is only fair that you know beforehand. Please realize that there is 99% more to me than that and it is only done in private. I would like to continue to email you!