Taking the Hint

I recently went on a date with this guy. The first date started off very well as I am well into my 7th drink. We had amazing sexual chemistry and it really helped that he was a great kisser. After a few more drinks, we somehow migrated to his apartment. We stayed up all night making out and talking about our hopes and dreams and shit. Needless to say, I was very excited to see him again. We planned on meeting the next weekend.

Throughout the week, we texted intermittently. The conversation went no where. Thursday evening, he drunk texted me. (Sign #1)

Him: I'm drunk 11:44 PM

Him: Come over 11:45 PM

Me: Who is this? 12:00 AM

Him: Senior manager 12:01 AM

Him: Hey baby 12:37

I hate drunk texts, so I didn't bother responding. We stilled planned on meeting on Saturday, with the expectation of me staying over. When we met, he asked me what my plans were on Sunday and I said nothing, but he said that he had lunch plans at 12:30 on Sunday (Sign #2) We went to watch a movie and later of course ended up at his place. We proceeded to have amazing sex (mostly on my part) and as I was passing out, he busted out his phone and started playing this airplane game. He then went to the bathroom to take a shit while playing the game. I passed out.

Next morning, I woke up to him playing this game. We chatted about some bullshit and I went to put on some clothes, and I came back to him watching someone playing a video game on his computer. (sign #3) This is when I realized I have overstayed my welcome and I said, this is my cue to leave.

He obviously had better things to do than me. As I was leaving, he spotted that I forgot my toothbrush. He said good thing I didn't leave it there cuz I'd have to use hotel toothbrush for a week. I said, good thing I didn't leave it because I'd have to see him again.


Fuck.... the sexual chemistry is amazing, but I have enough self respect to bounce when I am not wanted.

oh I get it...

Poor Bedside Manners

This doctor I used to date on and off (mostly off) has horrible bedside manners.

Doc: What are you up to tonight? 8:52 PM

Me: At the hospital, my dad had a stroke 8:52 PM

Doc: I'm sorry. Must be upsetting to see. He can recover some or all of it. Only time will tell, though... 9:07 PM

Me: Thank you. 9:11 PM

Doc: You're welcome. 9:11 PM

Doc: I still think about you. 9:11 PM

Me: Why? 9:12 PM

Doc: No other girl can turn me on like you... 9:12 PM

Doc: Something about your honesty on our first date. 9:13 PM

Doc: I just feel I can tell you about things that others consider taboo. 9:14 PM

Doc: Getting hard just thinking about it now... 9:14 PM

Me: I am not in the mood to talk about this right now 9:15 PM

Doc: I understand. I'm sorry. Best wishes to you and your family 9:16 PM

Me: We can have a candid conversation when you are back 9:16 PM

Doc: Looking forward to it... 9:16 PM

Do they do delivery?

My friend was looking out for me, but only if he delivered.

Hobbies

Perfect and I got in touch again, my friends and I recently found out (through a very in-depth facebook stalking) that Perfect has a girlfriend. We saw an album of him taking her to Per Se for her 30th birthday. This isn't a restaurant you take a normal date. This is a place where you take a person if you want to try ass fucking.

During some pillow talk, we talked about his relationship with his "ex"-girlfriend, how she doesn't appreciate how he has so many hobbies and don't prioritize her.

This is what my best friend have to say about that:

Nubbin

This guy hit me up on CMB a while back. We've been chatting on and off, he seems like a very normal, vanilla Asian guy.

His positives:

- nice body, a bit too buff from doing crossfit daily 

- nice car

- generally a nice guy, good earning potential. I think he is already a millionaire 

- he's in finance, probably can give me some tips on future investments 

- lives near me!!! 15 minute walk. Local booty. 

Negatives: 

- he wants kids, I think he's already got a fund for his kids education. This is really creepy

- he has a really ugly smile. It's a bit vomit inducing 

- he is dull, not a lot of personality. Can't really hold a conversation 

First date was fine. I could really take him or leave him. Guided by my horny {()}, we went out for a second date. He took me to this beer garden and it was aiiiight. Later on he spoiled me by getting me street meat. We took it back to my place to indulge in the lamb and eventually in each other. 

We were getting hot and heavy on my fancy 250 tread count bed sheets. My hands slowly migrated south in between his pants and I felt a nubbin. I was curious at what that was. I asked myself ... Was it a mole? Was it a pimple? Words sounding very similar to "oh shit" escaped my mouth when I realized it was his dick. Might I emphasize that it was a fully erect nubbin. 

At this point, I quickly evaluated how desperate I was. Keeping in mind I was still making out with this bloke.

He softly muttered "kiss it", and that's when my {()} suddenly created a vacuum seal and decided nothing was going to penetrate it that night. Not that his nubbin would've reached far. 

After another minute of stifling my giggles and politly making out, I told him that he should leave as I need to wake up early to work. Forgetting the fact that I told him that I was working from home that week  earlier in the evening. 

He reluctantly got dressed and left. He texted me the day after "how was working from home" and then a week later "how's your day going?" 

NO THANK YOU.

Did he just come back from Saudi Arabia?