Dumped for Jesus.. Again

Mr. Perfect, the guy I have been hooking up on and off for about 2 years have decided to end our relationship. Recently his estranged grandmother passed away and he suddenly had the calling to be reborn. 

After I gave birth to his penis, he decided to tell me this great news. Christmas will be the day that he will be a new self. He wants to align his birth with Jesus'. He goes on about how he sees actors and athletes always thanking God, and he thinks that God took them to the next level of performance. He was drawing the curve in the air was he was explaining it to me. He wants his performance to have a steeper incline. 

I told him I was happy for him, and of course sad for me as we can no longer hook up. I didn't really see our "relationship" going anywhere either, but I am happy for him, as he can maybe die and resurrect like Jesus during Easter. 

Working on yourself?

Mittens sent me this email saying that he's taking a hiatus from dating to work on himself. 

Then I see his profile active again on okcupid. Our exchange 

Business lead

I confronted Mittens - the guy who lied to me about his occupation. He told me he was a manager and turned out to be an executive assistant. 

Being in HR technology and knowing what system they use. It is quite easy to add in a title. Also my friend at the same company send me this. 

Eggs

Eggs, I want eggs. 

Shiv the woman

I finally know how hard it is to be a man. Dating Shiv is like dating an emotionally immature woman.  I made a mistake, I was thinking with my {()} and it got me in to trouble. No sex is worth putting me through this shit.

Shiv picks a fight with me over the smallest things. 

1. He asked me over text if I missed him. I ignored him and continued to talk about something else. Later that evening, he said I was selfish and didn't care about him because I didn't respond to his text. 

2. Whenever we fight, he would bring up the past and issues that we've closed. 

3. He would twist my words in a way that served his argument 

4. He always threaten to leave me, always saying, I am out and once I am out I am out. I don't make the same mistake three times. blah blah blah. We always end up in bed together. 

I decided to end things with him last week because of this incident.. 

I had asked him and his co-lead for a document at work by Friday. A week after the due date, I followed up with him and his co-lead asking for this document. He went psycho on me. Called me 10x and yelled at me at how I don't trust him and that I am evil inside and how dare I copy his co-lead. He then exacted his revenge by writing an email to my leadership saying that I put sensitive data on share point and calling me out. I told him it was over, he called and started crying and begging for a second chance. But how can I when he send me this shit whenever he gets mad. 

Turrets

It's been a while since I heard from this guy. He hit me up recently and we decided to go for a comedy power point show.

Turrets: What do you think?? http://www.housingworks.org/events/detail/night-school-a-lowbrow-lecture-series-nov2014/ 2:34 PM Me: sounds interesting, see you there! 3:30 PM Turrets: Cool see you at 7! 3:32 PM Me: Here 6:57 PM Me: Sitting next to the bar 6:59 PM Turrets: Sorry just getting here 7:06 PM Me: I drink red :) 7:06 PM Turrets: At bar sorry it's been a while. I dont have your pic lol. What are yoy wearing? 7:09 PM Turrets: I've got red shoes, light gray hoodie 7:10 PM

Why the hell did he hit me up if he forgot how I looked like?!?! After the comedy show, we went to eat tacos nearby. As we were talking, I noticed that he was suppressing this tick. He kept shrugging his shoulder every 10 seconds. I finally asked if he was on something, cocaine, heroine or molly. He told me he had turrets, the non-cursing one.  I was already turned off the fact that he didn't remember who I am, now I just want to get out of here. He asked for the check and proceeded to ask me to chip in $10 for a $15 check. 

I will never see him again. Ever. 

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