Annoyer

Hello... He asked me how old I was. I said to check my profile and I had my motto, living to eat and eating to live. His response: 

Catfished?

I think I have been catfished. I was talking to someone off EH right before my subscription ended. His one profile picture was a of some hot ass guy running on the beach about to catch a football, with his arm conveniently covering his face. I messaged him because he looked hot and I wanted to maximize my subscription.

We were chatting for a few weeks and throughout this time, I kept pushing for a picture of his face. He sent me these two pictures. We chatted briefly on the phone this morning and he mentioned that he went on a date with a chick that was 50 lbs heavier than her pics online. He said that he was catfished. I've only seen a few episodes of catfish on MTV so I am familiar with the google image search. I quickly popped in these two images and it came back a match!! Apparently my secret lover is Donell Jones, a has-been R&B rapper. I am contemplating on how to confront him...

On another note, I am really feeling Donell's song right now - Where I wanna be. Its playing on repeat.

i sent him a whatsapp message. 

Tinder Incest

Being in Nairobi makes the tinder pool extremely small, there are limited many men in this city that subscribe to this application. My roommate, myself and this other chick from our building all signed up.

Today I received an email from the other chick saying this...

I've shared an item with you.

Yeah, that's right.  I made a spreadsheet so that at least we'll KNOW when we're dating the same guys! Feel free to ignore, if you find it too creepy ;)

Tinder date

Roomie convinced me to sign on tinder. She's also on tinder. The amount of men who uses this app in Africa is limited.  So we are fishing in the same pool. 

We both choose the same guy.  He is so hot. .. looks like Ryan Reynolds. The date went well. He is also from the states. Came from a long lineage of hot men. We met at a bar and had 2 drinks and conversation was flowing... went to a second bar and had 2 more and the bill came and it went to him. He said, I got the last round, do you wanna get this one?

Any thoughts of us fucking that night went out the window.  It's unfortunate,  cuz he is sooo hot. But i have some principles to uphold. Also later found out that he also texting my roommate while we were on the date.  Not too upset about that tho.  Probably cuz I was doing the same thing... 

Ha I guess we do have a lot in common.

I got dumped by limpy

I have been seeing Limpy for about 6 months now. He is a really nice guy and I love his personality. By saying that he has a great personality, that also implies that he is butt ass ugly and maybe not that great in bed.

I thought we may lead into something more serious and I can finally settle down or something. For the past few months, we've had a long distance "relationship", but it's aight, we talk pretty often and I saw him pretty much everyday when I went back to New York. He is a great guy and we have so much fun together.

Long story short, I was at a friend's house for a dinner party and he urgently wanted to talk. After polishing a bottle of wine, we chatted on facetime and he said that he thought we should be at a stage of being more serious. I was thinking, shit, he wants to ask me to be his gf. Unfortunately, the next sentence said something along the lines of we should stop seeing each other and that we are "FUNDAMENTALLY" different.

I asked how are we different? He said:
1. We have different ways of wanting to raise a family. Even if we do have a child, we will have different parental views.
2. I travel too much and I am not stable

I didn't want to be petty and say something along the lines of maybe you should fix your impotency problems first, but I was thinking it.

Oh well... Life goes on. Kinda sad tho. 

Oh the irony...

A few months ago, I went on a date with this guy. I decided not to pursue the relationship any further because he was really really dull and boring. He also didn't drink. When he texted a few months ago, I told him I was in Africa, he didn't believe me. Anyway, he continues to text me.

Annoying: Hey. What's up 1:15 PM

Me: Still in Africa 1:58 PM

Annoying: I remember. Just seeing if maybe you might come to NY for a weekend 1:59 PM

Me: Came and went 2:11 PM

Annoying: You should let me know when your in town again 2:13 PM

Me: Are you dating other people? 2:13 PM

Annoying: One but not really. You ? 2:14 PM

Annoying: Why do you ask ? 2:14 PM

Me: Why not really? I was dating someone but that ended recently 2:15 PM

Annoying: I don't like her that much. 2:15 PM

Annoying: Was he in NY ? 2:15 PM

Me: Yes in Ny. Why don't you like her? 2:17 PM

Annoying: She was boring 2:18 PM Hahahahahahah Muahhahaha

Annoying: Why did yours end ? 2:18 PM

Annoying: You made it seem like you being in Africa was a problem but you were dating that guy 2:19 PM

Annoying: You never have things much of chance. I feel like you took my not being too much on you the wrong way 2:26 PM

Me: We had fundamental differences, just like us 2:30 PM

Annoying: What differences did you see ? 2:32 PM

Me: We don't have that much to talk about. We don't have much similar interests 2:37 PM

Annoying: I'm about as eclectic as they come with interests. I'm up for anything. 2:38 PM

Me: Meh 2:38 PM

Annoying: Lol. No meh 2:39 PM

Annoying: I actually liked you so I treated you with respect rather than just acting on pure desire. 2:47 PM

Me: I appreciate that. 2:48 PM

Me: I just don't think we have that much in common. 2:48 PM

Me: But I like your persistence 2:49 PM

Annoying: If I recall correctly you contacted me first. You should have or should give things a chance. I wouldn't be persistent if I was certain things would be good. 2:49 PM

Me: Yep, cuz I think you are cute. 2:51 PM

Me: But after talking to you, realized not much to talk about. I like your enthusiasm about driving 2:52 PM

Me: But otherwise. That's it 2:52 PM

Annoying: Haha. Thanks. You have me quite wrong. 2:52 PM

Me: You really thought we had that much chemistry? Really? 2:53 PM

Me: Maybe because I was sober? 2:53 PM

This went on for a while....

Me: I did meet someone and dates for 6 months 4:15 PM

Me: Not on EH 4:15 PM

Annoying: It hasn't been since months since we meet 4:16 PM

Me: So? 4:18 PM Hahahahahahah Muahhahahahahahaha 

Annoying: Lol. Guess that was a factor in me loosing out huh. I hate the multiple dating culture of NY. 4:22 PM

Annoying: Anyway. Let me know when your back. 5:22 PM

Acceptance of reality?

Some people know reality 

While some people are delusional