Mrs. Doubtfire

Just received this... What would Dan Savage do? 

Hey, I am sorry for the emailing delay. I am always hesitant at this part but I need to know if you are comfortable with the fact that in private I crossdress. It's not a choice and only the person I am dating needs to know. I would never do anything to embarrass you but it is only fair that you know beforehand. Please realize that there is 99% more to me than that and it is only done in private. I would like to continue to email you!

Speed Dating

A few years ago, I somehow got in touch with someone who organizes these speed dating events in New York. A few weeks ago, after not hearing from him in years, he texted me asking me if I had time to go to a speed dating event cuz they needed more girls.

I naturally said yes, cuz I didn't have anything to do that evening. I put on my little black dress and my heels and trekked my way to alphabet city. I was also half an hour late, but the men there seemed pretty desperate. When I stepped in, I saw that the girls were slim pickings. Here are some of the men I have encountered.

Guy: So is this your first time speed dating?
Me: No, I am a veteran
Guy: oh, so what are you doing for Mother's day?
Me: Oh, I have no idea, I hope my daughter plans something good for me.

Seeing the reaction on their faces were priceless. I hate these speed dating events, especially the Asian ones, where all they care is your circumstances. Where you went for school, where you live, what you do for a living etc. 

Guy: Is this what you wear for work? (I was dressed pretty slutty that day, and I was working from home that morning)
Me: No, I wore a lot less

Guy: How old are you?
Me: 45
Guy: OH wow, you look really good for your age.


Long story short, I met this handsome black guy at the bar, he was winging for his annoying friend who I just lied to during speed dating. I was flirting with him hard, and he got my number. After speed dating the three of us started chatting, he texted me during the conversation and asked if I wanted to get out of there with him. I met him in the bathroom and we fooled around for a minute. I made up some excuse and left the bar, we later met at Grand Central and took a cab to my house. We fucked so hard. He was amazing!!! The myth is true, once you go black, you really don't wanna go back. He also had amazing skin, it smelled like almond. Reminds me of the black stripper we hired for my friend's bachlorette's party in Vegas.

The next morning, he promised that he will text, like everyone else I brushed it aside. A few days later, he did text, but really wasn't saying anything of substance. So I texted back, "So when are you going to ask me out?" No response!! 

oh well, luckily dicks are free and plentiful.

Too Large to Charge

I don't know what is wrong with me. Have I lost my mojo? The history teacher is great, he is hot (think younger, fatter, whiter, less gay version of Ricky Martin) 

He came up last weekend to NY from Philadelphia, is it moving too fast? I mean technically, it is only our 2nd date. But he seemed like a nice guy and harmless enough. We frolicked together near my hood, and continued frolicking on my bed. GAWD DAMN, he is a great kisser. I wanted to be demure and prude, I held out on sex for the first night, the next day. I really couldn't help myself. One thing led to another and we ended up frolicking on my bed. He has a HUGE dick. I think one of the largest I've seen. It was glorious, the type that dildos are modeled after. 

He has a huge problem getting off, I fear he uses the death grip when he masturbates. Which is a huge problem, cuz I don't think my {()} is ever tight enough. I can't say I thoroughly enjoyed having sex with him. For some reason, I was dry as the Sahara.  He is hot, well spoke, well mannered and I am extremely attracted to him, but for some reason, my libido takes a nose dive. Maybe it is because he may be too big???? Is that even possible? Perhaps it is the condom? not sure. The foreplay is fantastic, but when it comes to the actual sex part, it just takes so fucking long. Who the hell wants to get slammed by a giant 10 inch pole for 45 min straight. I think a good 10-15 minutes is good enough for me, then I just wanna crawl into a ball and hibernate. 

We tried again last night, I had some alcohol in me trying to loosen me up. I can't even finish him off!!! What shame have I brought to my gender. He txted me this morning saying that he was sorry and took advantage of me. WHO IS HE? WTF?!?! Pretty sure I was taking advantage of him. God, he is so hot. Think Eric Bana

Dry spell ended

I am watching a rerun of Hitch on TBS, Hitch claims that 1st kiss comes around the 3rd date. How unrealistic is this?!?! Who the hell kisses on 3rd dates anymore. I usually don't kiss on the 1st dates since it is super awkward. But if there is a 2nd or 3rd date, I would like to test drive the car.

I went on a date with a HS history teacher last week in Philly. We had an amazing time, the one complaint I had about him is that he kept mentioning how broke he is. How unattractive is that? Dropping little hints on how he can't afford to do shit, cuz he is broke. He also has 3 roommates, who in their early 30s have roommates anymore. He also says "Do you know what I mean?" a lot. A LOT, meaning he says this 3 or 4 times in a sentence. That shit bothers the shit out of me, if you know what I mean.

I think he wants to take things seriously, not sure if I am ready for this especially when I met someone super hot at dodge-ball. He looks 19, but is actually 25. Whatever, he is a youngin, but I definitely want to smoosh that cub.

Dry Spell

Update for the past few weeks: I am going through a dry spell. The last sexual encounter I had was a pump and dump. This is what happens when I had my hopes up. He was okay, nothing spectacular. He came over to my hotel room, we fucked for a few minutes, and then he stayed just so he doesnt feel like a douche and then left. Never heard from him again. Dang that was harsh. Thought I was going to marry him, gotta scrap the wedding plans now. 

Another one bites the dust

Thursday: I texted the doctor if he wanted to have dinner, he said he would like to cook for me. I was busy and didn't respond.

Friday: I called him and texted him if we are still on for dinner, no response.

Saturday: 

DOC: Let's try this again. Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow? If so, please respond in a timely fashion so I know how much food to buy... 8:11 PM

Me: No 8:33 PM

Me: I thought we were suppose to have dinner on Friday 8:36 PM

DOC: Don't play dumb. You know you should confirm when I offer to cook for you. 9:05 PM

Me: Oh... Sorry that was a miscommunication, I was busy and didn't respond. But I called you AND texted you yesterday with no response 9:07 PM

DOC: So you felt disrespected being ignored? Shocking. Maybe you can meet a more easy-going guy on couchsurfers... 9:19 PM

AND THAT IS THE END OF THAT FOLKS!

Stinky body

So there is this doctor that I have been seeing on and off. We have been hooking up a few times and it is just meh.

He has a very annoying foreplay dirty talk. I always have this internal giggle whenever he says shit like, "um...... you make me so big and hard" bwahhahahahahaha!!!

1. He is not big! talking about how big it is, DOES not miraculously make it any bigger.
2. His moan is kind of annoying, don't know how to describe it. A total turn off.
3. He kind of smells, he claims that he takes mad showers and watches his hands often, but he smells like BO. I am thinking of tactful ways of asking him to clean his dick before my lips touch it. Luckily allergy season is coming up so I won't be able to smell it that much.

Last weekend, I broke my rule. I slept over, cuz I was too cheap to take a cab home. Decided to wait until the morning so I can ride the MTA. He woke up at 3am, got really horny, and I was completely passed out. He proceeded to feel me up and started jerking off next to me. I was going in and out of sleep until when he fucking ejaculated all over me. WTF, I rushed into the shower, and he doesn't even have body wash! who the fuck uses soap these days. Needless to say, I was annoyed, but still was able to fall asleep quickly in his expensive tempurpedic mattress.