A little bitch

I've been recently hooking up with someone at work. He is separated and but legally married. He isn't filing for divorce until he gets his citizenship, which god know how long it will take.

I've told him on numerous occasions that we are non-exclusive and that I'm looking for a serious BF. There are also a few things that I don't like about him. Here's a few. 

1. He is annoying. Like legit annoying, he will laugh at his own non-funny jokes. Such as, it's Monday hahahhahaha, I had lunch hahahhahaha, I am tired hahahhahaha. Not only are his jokes not funny, his laugh is irritating as fuck.

2. He is irrational - one example, there's a mockumentary about mermaids which is pretty well know to be a fake documentary aired during monster week or something on national geographic. I went on snoops, and they said that the documentary even said that it is fake! But this mofo refuses to believe it. He thinks it is a conspiracy that the government set up just like 9/11. I told him no matter what I say, or how much evidence I present, he will still think it's real. And that's why he is religious, 

3. He is needy and possessive, he calls me 5x a day and demands to FaceTime with him constantly. We don't have much to say, but he just wants to call me. 

4. He rambles a lot about nothing. 

Despite all that, the sex is incredible, he is great at cuddling and really know how to move his hips. According to him, it is because of the kettle bell swings exercises. 

He slept over yesterday and inadvertently saw a condom wrapper, he got really upset. Like a little bitch. It's one of those tantrums that I see crazy ass bitches throw. He claims that he can't trust me anymore. How the hell have I violated his trust? How?!?!! We weren't in a fucking monogamous relationship. He asked if sex with him is so good why would I go and have sex with other people? I said well.. you love Indian food, and if you have it everyday, sometimes you just crave Chinese. He said that is a horrible analogy, its like comparing apples to oranges. I said, they are both fruits.


Now I am panicking. I don't want to lose a good and convenient booty call, so long story short, I had to apologize to him. 

He claimed that I am using the non-monogamous relationship thing as an excuse to cover up my guilt. Well ladies and gents, breaking new! I don't feel guilty, I won't feel guilty. 

He said that I need to put myself in his shoes so I know what I did wrong. Excuse me? 

Man boobs

When a rare encounter of finding a partner having bigger breast than me I seize the opportunity to caress it. 

At first like a timid teenager, I wasn't sure what to do with it. Should I ignore it and pretend it isn't big? Should I fondle it and suck on the nipple? 

I had the pleasure of finding two men with very perky C cups. Sometimes, I just want to bring them to Victoria's Secret and pick out a sexy bra for me to rip off later. 

Taking the Hint

I recently went on a date with this guy. The first date started off very well as I am well into my 7th drink. We had amazing sexual chemistry and it really helped that he was a great kisser. After a few more drinks, we somehow migrated to his apartment. We stayed up all night making out and talking about our hopes and dreams and shit. Needless to say, I was very excited to see him again. We planned on meeting the next weekend.

Throughout the week, we texted intermittently. The conversation went no where. Thursday evening, he drunk texted me. (Sign #1)

Him: I'm drunk 11:44 PM

Him: Come over 11:45 PM

Me: Who is this? 12:00 AM

Him: Senior manager 12:01 AM

Him: Hey baby 12:37

I hate drunk texts, so I didn't bother responding. We stilled planned on meeting on Saturday, with the expectation of me staying over. When we met, he asked me what my plans were on Sunday and I said nothing, but he said that he had lunch plans at 12:30 on Sunday (Sign #2) We went to watch a movie and later of course ended up at his place. We proceeded to have amazing sex (mostly on my part) and as I was passing out, he busted out his phone and started playing this airplane game. He then went to the bathroom to take a shit while playing the game. I passed out.

Next morning, I woke up to him playing this game. We chatted about some bullshit and I went to put on some clothes, and I came back to him watching someone playing a video game on his computer. (sign #3) This is when I realized I have overstayed my welcome and I said, this is my cue to leave.

He obviously had better things to do than me. As I was leaving, he spotted that I forgot my toothbrush. He said good thing I didn't leave it there cuz I'd have to use hotel toothbrush for a week. I said, good thing I didn't leave it because I'd have to see him again.


Fuck.... the sexual chemistry is amazing, but I have enough self respect to bounce when I am not wanted.

oh I get it...

Poor Bedside Manners

This doctor I used to date on and off (mostly off) has horrible bedside manners.

Doc: What are you up to tonight? 8:52 PM

Me: At the hospital, my dad had a stroke 8:52 PM

Doc: I'm sorry. Must be upsetting to see. He can recover some or all of it. Only time will tell, though... 9:07 PM

Me: Thank you. 9:11 PM

Doc: You're welcome. 9:11 PM

Doc: I still think about you. 9:11 PM

Me: Why? 9:12 PM

Doc: No other girl can turn me on like you... 9:12 PM

Doc: Something about your honesty on our first date. 9:13 PM

Doc: I just feel I can tell you about things that others consider taboo. 9:14 PM

Doc: Getting hard just thinking about it now... 9:14 PM

Me: I am not in the mood to talk about this right now 9:15 PM

Doc: I understand. I'm sorry. Best wishes to you and your family 9:16 PM

Me: We can have a candid conversation when you are back 9:16 PM

Doc: Looking forward to it... 9:16 PM

Do they do delivery?

My friend was looking out for me, but only if he delivered.

Hobbies

Perfect and I got in touch again, my friends and I recently found out (through a very in-depth facebook stalking) that Perfect has a girlfriend. We saw an album of him taking her to Per Se for her 30th birthday. This isn't a restaurant you take a normal date. This is a place where you take a person if you want to try ass fucking.

During some pillow talk, we talked about his relationship with his "ex"-girlfriend, how she doesn't appreciate how he has so many hobbies and don't prioritize her.

This is what my best friend have to say about that: