Rejected a hookup

Yesterday Ryan Reynolds hit me up. The cheapass that made me pay for my drinks. After two weeks of silence from him, he finally emerged from the grave and wanted to hookup. I didn't want to go over to his place and he was also reluctant to come over. I think we were both too cheap to pay for a cab ride to get ass.

I ended up telling him that I don't want to hookup and he figured it wasn't worth his efforts to come. Truth be told,  I am going through a dry spell and probably would've hooked up with him if he came.

Anyway he started sending me references trying to entice me to go over to his place. This was a major turn off. These girls are mad desperate. 

Annoyer

Hello... He asked me how old I was. I said to check my profile and I had my motto, living to eat and eating to live. His response: 

Catfished?

I think I have been catfished. I was talking to someone off EH right before my subscription ended. His one profile picture was a of some hot ass guy running on the beach about to catch a football, with his arm conveniently covering his face. I messaged him because he looked hot and I wanted to maximize my subscription.

We were chatting for a few weeks and throughout this time, I kept pushing for a picture of his face. He sent me these two pictures. We chatted briefly on the phone this morning and he mentioned that he went on a date with a chick that was 50 lbs heavier than her pics online. He said that he was catfished. I've only seen a few episodes of catfish on MTV so I am familiar with the google image search. I quickly popped in these two images and it came back a match!! Apparently my secret lover is Donell Jones, a has-been R&B rapper. I am contemplating on how to confront him...

On another note, I am really feeling Donell's song right now - Where I wanna be. Its playing on repeat.

i sent him a whatsapp message. 

Tinder Incest

Being in Nairobi makes the tinder pool extremely small, there are limited many men in this city that subscribe to this application. My roommate, myself and this other chick from our building all signed up.

Today I received an email from the other chick saying this...

I've shared an item with you.

Yeah, that's right.  I made a spreadsheet so that at least we'll KNOW when we're dating the same guys! Feel free to ignore, if you find it too creepy ;)