Speed Dating

A few years ago, I somehow got in touch with someone who organizes these speed dating events in New York. A few weeks ago, after not hearing from him in years, he texted me asking me if I had time to go to a speed dating event cuz they needed more girls.

I naturally said yes, cuz I didn't have anything to do that evening. I put on my little black dress and my heels and trekked my way to alphabet city. I was also half an hour late, but the men there seemed pretty desperate. When I stepped in, I saw that the girls were slim pickings. Here are some of the men I have encountered.

Guy: So is this your first time speed dating?
Me: No, I am a veteran
Guy: oh, so what are you doing for Mother's day?
Me: Oh, I have no idea, I hope my daughter plans something good for me.

Seeing the reaction on their faces were priceless. I hate these speed dating events, especially the Asian ones, where all they care is your circumstances. Where you went for school, where you live, what you do for a living etc. 

Guy: Is this what you wear for work? (I was dressed pretty slutty that day, and I was working from home that morning)
Me: No, I wore a lot less

Guy: How old are you?
Me: 45
Guy: OH wow, you look really good for your age.


Long story short, I met this handsome black guy at the bar, he was winging for his annoying friend who I just lied to during speed dating. I was flirting with him hard, and he got my number. After speed dating the three of us started chatting, he texted me during the conversation and asked if I wanted to get out of there with him. I met him in the bathroom and we fooled around for a minute. I made up some excuse and left the bar, we later met at Grand Central and took a cab to my house. We fucked so hard. He was amazing!!! The myth is true, once you go black, you really don't wanna go back. He also had amazing skin, it smelled like almond. Reminds me of the black stripper we hired for my friend's bachlorette's party in Vegas.

The next morning, he promised that he will text, like everyone else I brushed it aside. A few days later, he did text, but really wasn't saying anything of substance. So I texted back, "So when are you going to ask me out?" No response!! 

oh well, luckily dicks are free and plentiful.

Too Large to Charge

I don't know what is wrong with me. Have I lost my mojo? The history teacher is great, he is hot (think younger, fatter, whiter, less gay version of Ricky Martin) 

He came up last weekend to NY from Philadelphia, is it moving too fast? I mean technically, it is only our 2nd date. But he seemed like a nice guy and harmless enough. We frolicked together near my hood, and continued frolicking on my bed. GAWD DAMN, he is a great kisser. I wanted to be demure and prude, I held out on sex for the first night, the next day. I really couldn't help myself. One thing led to another and we ended up frolicking on my bed. He has a HUGE dick. I think one of the largest I've seen. It was glorious, the type that dildos are modeled after. 

He has a huge problem getting off, I fear he uses the death grip when he masturbates. Which is a huge problem, cuz I don't think my {()} is ever tight enough. I can't say I thoroughly enjoyed having sex with him. For some reason, I was dry as the Sahara.  He is hot, well spoke, well mannered and I am extremely attracted to him, but for some reason, my libido takes a nose dive. Maybe it is because he may be too big???? Is that even possible? Perhaps it is the condom? not sure. The foreplay is fantastic, but when it comes to the actual sex part, it just takes so fucking long. Who the hell wants to get slammed by a giant 10 inch pole for 45 min straight. I think a good 10-15 minutes is good enough for me, then I just wanna crawl into a ball and hibernate. 

We tried again last night, I had some alcohol in me trying to loosen me up. I can't even finish him off!!! What shame have I brought to my gender. He txted me this morning saying that he was sorry and took advantage of me. WHO IS HE? WTF?!?! Pretty sure I was taking advantage of him. God, he is so hot. Think Eric Bana

Dry spell ended

I am watching a rerun of Hitch on TBS, Hitch claims that 1st kiss comes around the 3rd date. How unrealistic is this?!?! Who the hell kisses on 3rd dates anymore. I usually don't kiss on the 1st dates since it is super awkward. But if there is a 2nd or 3rd date, I would like to test drive the car.

I went on a date with a HS history teacher last week in Philly. We had an amazing time, the one complaint I had about him is that he kept mentioning how broke he is. How unattractive is that? Dropping little hints on how he can't afford to do shit, cuz he is broke. He also has 3 roommates, who in their early 30s have roommates anymore. He also says "Do you know what I mean?" a lot. A LOT, meaning he says this 3 or 4 times in a sentence. That shit bothers the shit out of me, if you know what I mean.

I think he wants to take things seriously, not sure if I am ready for this especially when I met someone super hot at dodge-ball. He looks 19, but is actually 25. Whatever, he is a youngin, but I definitely want to smoosh that cub.