Trapped in dicksand

A few weeks ago, I met a guy from tinder, his dick was so beautiful, sucking it is like appreciating art. It was just the right height and girth. Dicksand is his name, dick so good that it sucks me in and it's impossible to get out. 

He is also an awesome guy, we had insane chemistry in and out of the bedroom. He went to Dominican Republic for a weekend and it's also the same weekend I was in Vegas. We committed to seeing each other on the Saturday when I get back. So to my display, when I hit him up on Thursday and I get this response: 

Took the high road and said this "Okay, I understand. I hope it goes well with her. I will pass on Saturday, it may be a little awkward. Take care. " 

Translation: No hanky panky  = goodbye 

At least I have hitachi magic Wang 

Bald men

This guy is hot, but as I scroll back and forth through the pics, I noticed that he is always wearing a hat. Even that hoodie one... Deceptive. So I flat out asked if he was bald. 

He blocked me. 

I can be blunt too!

Why does everyone want to have coffee dates?!?

Rare Gems

Once in a blue moon, when the stars align, I do have good some may say even amazing sex. But moments like those are rare and will be forever cherished during my masturbation sessions. 

Mythical creatures

Usually mythical creatures are good things, like unicorns and tooth fairies. Once in a while it can be a ogar. And a black man with a small dick is indeed a mythical creature. What are the odds? I just bought powerball. Think my luck will balance out.

Pot calling the kettle black

A guy from college came to visit me over the weekend. I took his virginity so I feel like he is still kind of hung up on me. 

His is a big fella, although I have a feeling that he think he is still average. He still wears a size 32 pants but that's because he likes to tie it right below his 7 month pregnant belly. 

I sometimes have a feeling that he can't even see his penis when he pees. Last night we spend a few hours going through tinder on his phone. I finally know why I am single. Women in NY are just so fucking hot! 

Anyway, he keeps left swiping semi chubby women. 

Me: why are you left swiping these women?

Him: she's fat 

Me: she's okay! Not fat and the pot shouldn't call the kettle black.

Him: why do you mean?

Me: nevermind...

Later saw his Okcupid profile. His body type was listed as "Average" 

Lol! Maybe if the population was sumo wrestlers! 

High Pitched

Met a guy Tinder. His profile claimed that he is the McDonald's bathroom senior manager. That quickly turned me on. Senior manager!

We had great silly banter over text. We agreed that we should make out when we first meet. 

Just finished the date with him. Never met a straight guy who has a higher pitch than me. He was also a mediocre kisser and moaned a lot during the kiss. I told him to stop making noises, but he said since I had an ear congestion, I shouldn't be able to hear it anyway.

Kinda wanted to bounce after the kiss, but figured since I traveled for this lame ass date, might as well enjoy a drink. 

I did enjoyed the drink, but he sucked. On to the next one. 

Downsides of downsizing

Recently I've been actively trying to downsize. Revamping my wardrobe, throwing away unused furniture and really trying to live the life of a minimalist.

One area that I am NOT trying to downsize is penis size. However for some reasons I've been encountering men with tiny fucking penis. 

Last night was my birthday party. I made out with this guy, whom we shared a mutual friend. We eventually went to his house. He's a solid average kisser, but when he told me to touch his penis, I was immediately turned off. I just couldn't continue. It was like pin the tail on the penis. The longest thing about this guy was the commute home. 

This guy, the unicorn and another recent hookup. I am cursed with small dicks. On the profile, next to their height, should be penis size. 

Like this guy

We will not get along

Not even going to bother continuing the conversation

Psycho

I am generally quite open minded. But I found my boundaries during this date I had with this psycho. 

He was into kink, as am I. We quickly bonded over tinder text and decided to meet at a diner. 

He was a self proclaimed bondage master. He said he wanted to tie me up. I asked what do you want to do with me? 

Him: I would love to tie you up and stuff you with my piss funnel. 

Me: What's that? 

Him: A funnel where I pee in. 

Me: What else do you want to do with me? 

Him: I want to cut your legs 

Me: What? 

Him: Did you not see my pictures on fetlife, I just did it to a girl yesterday. 

Crazy... 

Indian touch!

I knew it! This is why only Indian and black men message me! 

Dissapointment

Connected with someone on Tinder. For some reason only black and Indian men message me. 

This gentlemen is black, looked muscular from his pictures. However, when we finally met, he is this pudgy short man. He was sporting suspenders (is it because he can't find a belt that will fit that waist?),a bow tie and a fedora. He claimed that he is not a hipster, but his outfit indicated otherwise. 

He seemed like a well mannered guy and we had a few drinks. It was getting late and he eluded if we should go to my apt. We were making out in the cab and found out that he is a Muslim and is one out of 10 kids. His dad was a gang leader and quit to be a teacher or something like that. 

We starting making out in the living room and migrated quickly to my bed. When he started stripping (which took a long time to peel away his "non-hipster" outfit) I saw this tiny black twig of a dick. It was the size of my index finger. It appeared especially small with the back drop of his thunder thighs. I was horny and I let him enter me. He kept saying "damn you tight, damn this is good" meanwhile on my side, I couldn't feel shit. After 2 minutes he came and then went. 

I finally found a unicorn. A black man with a tiny penis. He would be a good starter anal dick

Another marriage proposal

Do I give off a vibe?

Plush body

Urkle said I have a plush body, meanwhile he can eat a loaf of bread a day and still maintain his 6 pack. Although his ass is extremely high for his height. It comes to my chest,   

He claims he's a nerd trapped in an athletes body....

He claims he would get rock hard veiny erection. I have not witnessed this, every time we had sex it always seems semi flacid. 

It feels good to know he's the best he's ever had

Did I do that part 2

We later checked into one of the best hotels in Bangalore, I wanted to get him into the mood. We were both out of the shower and smelled so fresh and so clean clean. I was excited, thinking, I will finally get some long awaited cock. 

He just can't perform. I asked him what's wrong and I can see the internal struggle in his eyes. I was thinking, shit, he was molested by a priest when he was young. 

After a long time, he confessed he was a virgin. a sound that is unmistakenly that of a laughter came out of my mouth for a few minutes. This is also the moment I've  decided to de flower him. 

It turned out he is a master jerker, the way he describes his jerk sessions is the same way some people describe their sex conquest. Later I found out, he is a victim of the death grip. 

Oops, did I do that?

Urkle was his name, and flacid is his game. Went to india with a boy, his face has this familiarity that I can't quite put my finger on... Until he said he looks like urkle from family matters. He was 25, frat boy, athletic. 

He had an ass that can't lie and hips that made all the girls come to the yard. This fucker had a lean, a mean and some what disproportionate body. He had the sense of humor of a cardboard box and the maturity of a teenager. 

We were stuck together 24x7 for 30 days! In the beginning of the trip, he boasted he had sex with 30 women, claimed he is a connoisseur of pussies and we made a bet and the loser gets to go down on the other. Me, being obviously the smarter of the two won. 

I told him I wanted rickshaw sex, he agreed.

First attempt:  We were driving to a city I no longer recall and we ran out of gas on the highway in the middle of the night. This would've be been the perfect place, bit  within a few minutes a curious Indian did a u-turn on the highway asked us if we needed help. We have just filled the tank and we were fooling around in the back seat, we had to quickly get our shit together so he doesn't start taking selfies with two butt ass naked foreigners. 

After that incident, we drove off to a better patch of dark roads. But Urkle, for the life of him couldnt resuscitate his limp dick. 

Second attempt: pulled into this isolated patch of words, tried again and his dick was dying, I was giving him evil glare while he was rapidly pumping with his hands. After a good 5 minutes, his Dick gave its final breath and spewed out some semen and died for good. 

One huge turn off of his, when he is jerking off, he likes to open his mouth half way. It looks like he was dying of thirst and that my pussy was the only thing that can quench it. Severely unattractive.

Third attempt: we were driving in a national park, pulled into a forbidden driveway, risking being trampled by elephants, his dick was too shy and was tucked away. For good. 

Place of 2nd attempt 

Rickshaw sex - ticked!

I always wanted to get fucked in a rickshaw, now that I'm older plain old vanilla sex is no Bueno, need to spice it up a bit. 

After my partner failed to please me after many attempts, I was desperate. It was my last night in Cochi with the rickshaw and I was this hunger in my eyes that I'm sure others sensed. 

I went up to a guy that I've been talking to on and off throughout the run, and said, "I really regret not having rickshW sex" he said lets go and make it happen. And it did!

We went to the playgrounds where all the rickshaws were parked and picked a rickshaw all the way in the back. On be way to the parking lot, I yelled if he had a condom, and I didn't realize one of the organizers was behind me as I was shouting. But who cares, she probably knew. 

Also, the curious security guard kept following up and wanting to know more about us. 

Finally after some talking he left us to drink beer with his follow guards. 

The sex was very hot, hot as in the humid kind. Luckily the rickshaw was equipped with curtains and we pulled it down for some privacy. We stopped a few times thinking someone will catch us. 

The sex itself was average at best, it wasn't the first time I saw his dick, so I've already had set expectations. I was sweating like I was in a sex sprint. And finally he came and we quickly left. 

This is so me!